Well, I deleted my last post entitled 'Joy' because it was long, wordy, long, wordy, etc. I was asked to give a devotional at a bridal shower, and had a chance to really focus my thoughts into less than a page of a much clearer picture of the blessings I have experienced through Christ in my marriage. Below is the devotional that I wrote, I changed the names....I don't really have friends named John and Jane.
Jane, today, like many of the last 600 or so days since you and John started dating, you imagine what life will be like with John as your husband. It probably sounds crazy, but in a relatively short time you will hardly be able to remember life without him. Some or your greatest memories are yet to be made, some of your favorite events to play over and over in your head haven’t even been experienced, and some of the most true and authentic laughter you will ever experience is yet to come.
I decided (with a little prompting from my sister-in-law) to compile some advice. Now I want to say, loud and clear, that I don’t have a perfect marriage. My advice comes from a first year full of tears from simple misunderstandings, and from a heart that has been softened to the incredible blessing that marriage can be when we take ourselves less seriously, while becoming more concerned with God’s will and less concerned with our own expectations.
I remember growing up and thinking that I would marry a man that mimicked the men that I saw at church. The 40 year old men that were leading youth group, going to bible studies during the week, spending time with the Lord each morning, and looking at their wives with eyes full of respect and thankfulness. Now I know, it isn't a bad thing to see a strong Christian man around the age of 40 and hope that your husband will have similar qualities, but to wanted my husband to look like that 40 year old man at age 25? To resemble that 40 year old man immediately, without going through the journey similar to the one the 40 year old man has been through. Yes, it sounds a little ridiculous when I say it out loud. This was a big deal for me to figure out, and once I allowed Tyler the breathing room to grow on his own, I started noticing how great of a man and husband he was. I am amazed at his growth in the last 4 years (and quite surprised at how little I had to do with it J), and I consider it a huge blessing that the Lord showed me that I had to get out of the way and let Tyler be who God intended him to be, not who I had imagined him to be since I was a little girl playing dress up.
I attribute all of the growth I have seen in my marriage, and the joy that I experience with Tyler, to the Lord. He cares so much for Tyler, He cares so much for me, and He cares for our marriage. He values each of us as individuals, and seeing how both Tyler and I have changed as individuals in a way the complements our marriage relationship is a true testament to Christ's love and plan for our life. Christ cares for you, John, and your marriage in the same way. I encourage you to not lose yourself in your marriage. You are still you. Sometime’s that is hard to remember because after you get married and people ask “How are you?” many of them me “you and John” when they say “you.” God is different. God desires a relationship with you, Jane. He desires for you to come to him with your hearts desires, your frustrations and your daily joys. You are still His child; God didn’t create marriage to lessen His load. He didn’t hand pick John to be your husband so that John could take His place. He hand picked John because together, you team together in love for the Lord and that is a force not to be reckoned with.
So what is it that is so great about marriage? It is that feeling of the vulnerability to be yourself, because John knows when you are not being yourself. It is the ability to come home, upset or confused by circumstances in your life, and talk through them with a man that loves and respects you enough to listen. It is the ability to laugh at yourself, something that provides great amounts of joy in marriage. It is having a relationship that doesn't have to be perfect, and never will be perfect. It is the pursuit of selflessness, the lesson of what has been, and the glimpse of what is to come. Marriage is an incredible gift from the Lord, which He desires to be a part of.
